4/29 Picks

Last Night:1-2
Total for NBA Playoffs/MLB: 17-14-1

Please do not miss some real journalism posted by Slut in the previous article. It is already 2 articles deep behind the furry space alien's and Z's picks.

NUGGETS -10.5 I see too much Denver here, sorry Z.

NUGGETS/HORNETS Under 197.5 I don't think Denver will hit 50% of their 3's and 56% from the field and I don't expect NO to lay another 68 on the board, that being said; O'Hoolix see's a 105-89 type of game here.

LA/SF Over 8 runs +105: Dodger bats are hot lately especially against righties, plus I think the Giants will get a few off of LA starter Stults. I'm thinking 6-4 or 5-4 LA. If you are feeling good, take the + money and go with LA tonight.

Z's 4/29 Picks

I warned you I am not the prognosticator O'Hoolix is in the realm of sports betting. I shot a whopping goose egg last night going 0-4. So let's see if we can continue the trend, shall we?

Last night: 0-4
Overall: 0-4

Today's picks:

Hornets +10.5 - I now the Hornets were blown to bits losing by 58 points in their last game. And while I think the Hornets will turn things around, they're still going to lose to the Nuggets, but much closer than 58 points!

Cardinals -120 - OK, I was on track last night until the bullpen blew another save...again! The Cards are 14-7 and lead the NL Central. All seven loses have been the responsibility of the bullpen, save Ryan Franklin who is 6-for-6 on save opportunities. I just don't feel the Cardinals are going to lose back-to-back games to the Braves.

Brewers -200 - The Pirates are sending Ian Snell to the mound today and I just believe the Brewers are going to sock it to him today. Call it a gut feeling...orit maybe just indigestion.

Giants -150 - Again a gut feeling call for the Giants' Lincecum. I just feel he is going to have a great game tonight.

Beware all 'ye who bet here!

You Do Know That Babe Ruth Also Played For the Yankees, Right?

You remember Babe Ruth, right? The Bambino, the Sultan of Swat. Hit 714 career home runs. Singlehandedly changed baseball--and all of sports for that matter--forever. Arguably the most famous athlete who ever lived.

Most baseball fans are familiar with the Babe and his story. Most fans know that he started his career as a pitcher, but when it was discovered that he was a great hitter, he was converted into an outfielder. As good as he was as a pitcher (which was pretty good), we all know his exploits as a hitter.

Again, this is fairly common knowledge to baseball fans. Apparently, it's not common knowledge to Phillip B. Wilson of the Indianapolis Star.

2 Tribe position players await their chance to pitch

This isn't the worst story ever written, though there is a factual error in it (more on that later). However, in the sidebar "Hitters who hurl" included with the story comes this tidbit:

Blame it on Babe Ruth. Or Ty Cobb. Or Jimmie Foxx.

Since baseball began, hitters have thought they could pitch...

Babe Ruth is a "hitter who thought he could pitch?" Seriously?

The Babe started 129 games as a pitcher (winning 80) before becoming a full-time outfielder in 1919. It's interesting to note how incredible he was in 1919, as he started 111 games in the outfield and another 15 as a pitcher. His batting line was .322/.454/.657 (AVG/OBP/SLG) and he hit 29 home runs in 432 AB. His pitching line was 9-5, 2.97 ERA, 1.55 WHIP, 12 complete games. Not the greatest in the world for his era, but still pretty good considering. Perhaps his 1919 season was the best all-around season ever.

To say that Babe Ruth was "a hitter who thought he could pitch" is pretty ignorant. Ruth was a pitcher--a pitcher who hit so well, they converted him into an outfielder so he could play every day. That's a bit different than a guy who has never pitched in the majors coming in to throw one inning in order to save some work for his team's bullpen.

In Wilson's defense, he does mention that Ruth won almost all of his games before becoming a full-time outfielder. So the sidebar and the story contradict each other--what else is new for the Star? Can whoever is editing sports stories there read?

Now to the small factual error: Wilson says that Nick Swisher of the Yankees became the "latest" position player to pitch in a game. Although it is true that Swisher pitched for the Yankees on April 13, the most recent to do it in a game was Florida's Cody Ross, who did it Sunday, in a nationally televised game.

I get that Wilson probably wrote the article last week. But for fuck's sake, can anyone at the Indianapolis Star do any editing? It's not hard--if you don't actually follow any sports yourself (as seems to be the case at the Star), there is this little thing called THE FUCKING INTERNET that will allow you to check your facts in about 12 seconds or so.

As much as I want the Star to increase its baseball coverage, seeing stories like this makes me glad that it doesn't.

4/28 Picks

Last Picks:1-2
Total:16-12-1

Had a few days off, now back to work.

Zing, glad to have you touting games now! We should go straight to Vegas!

HOUSTON +5.5: Blazers may win, but it should fall under the spread.
HOUSTON/PORT Over 182.5; Trend, under at Houston, overs at Portland.

DALLAS +5: I'll take the points here.

Good Luck all

Zinglebert Joins the Mix

Hey, this looks like fun! O'Hoolix has a winning record (so far) on his picks, so I thought I would prove that I really have no idea what I am doing when it comes to sports betting. So here we go for tonight's picks:

Cardinals/Braves - over 5 .0 runs

Cardinals -140

Cubs/D'backs - under 9.0 runs

Celtics -7.5

Good luck to anyone crazy enough to run with this.

4/24 Picks

Great article Bembledack!

Last Night: 2-3
Total: 15-10-1

BLAZERS/HOUSTON under 184.5

HOUSTON -6

SEATTLE/LAA under 8.5 runs -105

Good Luck

What Do You Mean There's a Difference?

I don't know about you, but I was shocked to learn that there is a difference between the NCAA Final Four Tournament and the NBA Playoffs. No, really! I had no fucking clue...that is, I had no fucking clue that Mike Lopresti was this moronic.

NBA playoffs are nothing like the NCAA Tournament

So how is your NBA playoffs office pool bracket going so far?

Well, since I am the only person in my office, I am in the lead and the odds on favorite to win.

Now that April-May-June Madness is upon us, we can sit back and wait for the upsets. Who'd the Lakers draw in the first round - East Tennessee State or Siena? And since the Suns didn't get invited, what do you think their chances are in the NIT?

Oh, I get it. You’re trying to be funny comparing the NCAA Final Four Tournament and the NBA Playoffs. Uhh, dude, it’s not working…

Oh, sorry. Forgot to turn the mental switch from college to pro. I was wondering why the Pistons didn't have to win a play-in game.

Hey, honest mistake. Since it seems at least two teams typically from the Eastern Conference have a losing record as of late, you might think that it might make more sense to have one. NOT!

It might still be basketball, but deciding champions for the NCAA and NBA are entirely different processes, and not just because one has Dick Vitale and the other doesn't. To follow both the tournament and the playoffs requires separate rules of etiquette.

Well, considering one is an amateur collegiate association and one is a professional league, I think that is a pretty stark difference right there.

Now that the NBA postseason is fully engaged, here are a few:
In the NCAA, you refer to the best players by their full names. Tyler Hansbrough. Blake Griffin. Just as a professor would, calling attendance in literature class.
In the NBA, you refer to the best players by their first names, as if you have lunch with them twice a week. Kobe. LeBron. Dwight. I don't know why, but all the guys do on television.

Part of that may be due to the fact that most college players only play four years tops and many of the top players are there for only a year or two. The NBA stars referenced above have been in the league for years and that is just the way announcers, writers and society have come to reference them. If you say the name “Michael”, 98% of NBA fans will think of Michael Jordan. A few may think of Michael Olowokandi, and those people will be sent for psyche evaluations.

In the NCAA, an upset victory over a heavy favorite means an interview on ESPN, a celebration on campus, and a new contract for the coach.
In the NBA, an upset victory over a heavy favorite means you won't get swept 4-0.

One of the big draws to the Final Four Tournament is the one-and-done format of the tournament and the upsets that happen in the early rounds…most of the time. The NBA is set up to earn the team owners and networks as much money as possible. That is why every round is a best-of-seven series. Personally, I think that is way too many for the first round and it drags the playoffs until after Father’s Day. I would prefer the best-of-five series in the first round.

I think Mike needs to go check his history records because there have been upsets in the NBA Playoffs. Yes, they do not happen as often, but they do happen. The #8 seed Golden State Warriors upset the #1 seed Dallas Mavericks 4-2 in the first round of the 2007 playoffs. The #8 seed New York Knicks upset the #2 seed Indiana Pacers in the 1999 Eastern Conference Finals 4 games to 2 in addition to defeating the #1 Miami Heat in the first round. The 1995 NBA Finals saw the #6 seed Houston Rockets sweep the #1 seed Orlando Magic. Upsets do happen.

Wait…doesn’t Mike work for Gannett Publishing? The same publisher that publishes the Indianapolis Star, which also employs one our favorite fucktards, Bob Kravitz? Wow, what a coincidence!

In the NCAA, they have trombone players and drummers on the front rows at the end of the court.
In the NBA, they have Oscar winners and platinum recording artists on the front rows at the end of the court.

Only in LA or NY.

In the NCAA, the introduction of the starting lineups reminds you of a pep rally.
In the NBA, the introduction of the starting lineup reminds you of a Las Vegas floor show.

For most NCAA teams, the introductions are vastly similar to the introductions at a high school game. For the NBA, it is a show! The teams now they need to entertain the fans with more than just the basketball on the court. The Bulls and Pacers have had pretty good starting lineup presentations over the past couple of decades. (Don’t get me started on the starting lineups that the old AFL Indiana Firebirds had. That opening sequence just sucked ass.)

In the NCAA, they play in domes and sell cotton candy.
In the NBA, they play in arenas, and sell frozen daiquiris.

NCAA tournament venues are hosting four or eight different teams’ fans and need the 50,000+ capacities of the domes. NBA playoff teams have the majority of the seats filled by the home team’s fans, unless you are in Atlanta.

In the NCAA, they have crazy boosters who show up with painted faces and scream irrationally at the officials.
In the NBA, they have Mark Cuban. Except he hasn't painted his face. Not yet, anyway.

NBA fans are just as crazy as college team fans. Although, that could just be due to the effect of the alcohol.

In the NCAA, the officials wear black and white stripes, and are often accused of being partial to Duke.
In the NBA, the officials wear gray and are often accused of being partial to the Celtics.

Officials are always going to be more partial to certain teams and players. They are human and it is going to happen. I will forever say that back in the 90’s the NBA officials gave more calls to the Knicks and Bulls than to the Pacers. No, it was not some secret NBA directive to have a major city in the Finals, but there were too many calls that went against the Pacers or no calls that leave you scratching your head in wonderment.

In the NCAA, a championship team will journey on the road to the Final Four.
In the NBA, a championship team might journey on the road to Houston, then Portland and then Cleveland.

The NCAA plays the games in predetermined arenas/domes/stadiums. The NBA plays games at each teams home arenas and you don’t know where that will be until a given round is completed.
In the NCAA, they travel and get called for it.
In the NBA, they travel.

Yes, Mike is correct on this one. Since Michael Jordan started taking an extra step and officials decided not to call it back in the 80’s, now everyone gets away with it.

In the NCAA, the teams participate in the Big Dance starting in mid-March.
In the NBA, the Laker girls participate in a big dance at the end of each quarter.

I have nothing…this one short-circuited by brain by it’s sheer stupidity.

In the NCAA, it takes 20 minutes to play the last 90 seconds of the second half.
In the NBA, it takes 20 minutes to play the last 90 seconds of the fourth quarter.

OK, shit-for-brains! Even an amoeba knows that the NCAA plays halves and the NBA plays quarters.

In the NCAA, they would never expect a team from the Ivy League or Mid-American Conference or Ohio Valley to contend for a title.
In the NBA, instead of the Ohio Valley, they have the Clippers.

True, Harvard, Ball State and Murray State are teams you do not expect to win the Final Four and over-achieve if they do make it to the Sweet 16. However, the BCS conferences dominate the tournament and the mid-major and smaller conferences can normally only hope to have an upset or two and wreak havoc on the office brackets.

The last non-BCS team to make the Final Four was George Mason a couple of years ago and the last non-BCS team to make it to the championship game was Larry Bird’s Indiana State team in 1979.

In the NCAA, there are college student-athletes who want to be millionaires.
In the NBA, there are millionaires who never spent a day as a college student-athlete.

Do you think Shaq got rich in Orlando? No, he got rich in college, everybody knows that!

In the NCAA, the coach is the director, the players are the cast.
In the NBA, the marquee players are the stars, then the role players, then the subs. The coaches are the boom operators.

College coaches have the advantage over NBA coaches in that they have near ultimate authority to bench a player at will or expel him off the team for any given reason. NBA players have contracts, salaries and owners that hamstring coaches to a certain degree. NBA players have more weight to throw around than their college counterparts and can push coaches to their limit without much repercussion. Owners do not care to have their star or major players on the bench unless the infraction is pretty grave.

In the NCAA, they play until Easter.
In the NBA, they play until Father's Day.

NCAA teams play roughly 30-32 games prior to the tournament. The NBA plays 82 games. NCAA teams rarely play on back-to-back nights unless it is in a tournament. NBA teams play a dozen or so back-to-back games every season. So it stands to reason that the NBA season is going to run longer, turdbag.

In the NCAA, they throw confetti on the champions.
In the NBA, they pour champagne on the champions.

Yeah, the BATF frowns on those underage college players drinking champagne. So they’re stuck with just confetti and hoping to bag one of the cheerleaders later.

In the NCAA, the championship coach leaves two days later on a recruiting trip.
In the NBA, the championship coach leaves two days later for Tahiti.

Well, NCAA coaches have to RECRUIT players while NBA coaches generally only have some type of input in who their team DRAFTS. As mentioned previously, the NBA season is longer and more grueling and he probably deserves to go on a nice vacation to Tahiti. I know I could definitely use a vacation to Tahiti right now.

In the NCAA, the teams that came close but fell short will hurt all off-season.
In the NBA, the off-season, thus the pain, is only shorter.

Whahuh?!? It is probably more hurtful for the senior players since they will not have another chance to play for a collegiate championship. Yes, the NBA off-season is shorter, but does that mean it hurts less?

So to sum it all up, Mike Lopresti is a moronic, turdbag fucktard who is trying to explain why there is a difference between the NCAA and NBA championships that anyone who has seen, heard of or read about a NCAA game and a NBA game would already know the difference between.

4/23 Picks

Last Night: 5-2-1
Total: 13-7-1

CHI/BOS Under 201.5: Everyone is on the over here, Boston may slow it up.

DALLAS -5: Like Dallas at home, plus Joey Crawford working this game here, Duncan fouls out in 1st Quarter.

LAKERS -2
BONUS:

TEXAS: -110
DETROIT: -135

GOOD LUCK!

4/22 Picks

Last Night: 4-1
Total: 8-5

NUGGETS -6

NUGGETS over 199

ATL/MIA under 184.5

Miami +5

PHIL/ORLANDO under 193

Bonus Pick:

Texas Rangers +125
STL Cardinals -107
Atlanta +110


Good luck!

Picks 4/21

Last Night= 1-1
Playoff Total= 4-4

CAVS -11.5: O'Hoolix is takin' Lebron, line is moving upwards fast!

ROCKETS +6: They look to tough for the Blazers

LAKERS -11: The Lakers have too many weapons

BONUS:
RANGERS over 8 1/2 runs
KC over 10 runs

GOOD LUCK!

4/20 NBA

O'Hoolix was 3-3 yesterday, here are today's picks:

CELTS/BULLS OVER 197

DALLAS +6

GOOD LUCK!

NBA Picks 4/19

Alright friends, O'Hoolix will be posting his NBA Playoff picks here at www.lomhenn.com this year. You want winners, O'Hoolix wants winners and so does Wink Martindale. Here you go.

LAKERS/JAZZ over 210. Utah probably will not be able to stop LA, especially on the road.

SIXERS +9.5: O'Hoolix thinks Philly will keep it close.

SIXERS/MAGIC under 191: Philly's only chance is to D up the Magic here. O'Hoolix thinks they will slow it down and make every possession count.

MIAMI +5: Miami and Atlanta play close games and I expect this one to be the same. Atl is riding a good wave right now, but O'Hoolix will take the superstar Wade in a close game.

DENVER -6: The Hornets have had some turmoil lately and I think Denver is gathering MO at this time.

DENVER/NO under 194: These two teams have been under this number in their last two match-ups, O'Hoolix is betting one mo again!

Good luck all!

O'Hoolix's Observations

Let me just say that O'Hoolix loves curses on sports teams, especially ones with animals involved. Zinglebert so eloquently depicted in his previous blog regarding the curse of the goat. Anyone who would bring an animal to a game instead of eating the animal is a fool in my book. O'Hoolix likes the Cubs and Cubs fans (most of them), BUT they need to get over the damn curse already.

Okay we are now officially in NFL pre-draft overload. I hear the Dalai Lama has a mock draft special coming out. People who make a living doing mock drafts are one step above palm readers, dime-store psychics and end of the world types. They should receive one lashing for every stupid comment about a prospect who doesn't pan out.

Okay, since when the hell is a PIRATE/TERRORIST/ENEMY COMBATANT labeled just as a common criminal? Our government is so PC now they are trying to be overly euphemistic by disallowing the term PIRATES/TERRORISTS/ENEMY COMBATANTS to be used. I think they will now label them "Unfortunate Victims of the Man who happen to Allegedly be Supposedly involved in a Minor Law Violation." Spare O'Hoolix the CRAP! I can't wait to see the circus when we bring the Terrorist/Pirate to New York for trial. By the time the PC lawyer he gets is done, the media will be telling us we should feel bad. His lawyer will state: we should allow pirating to continue, by the way pay him $1 million for his trouble/lawyer fees.

Next thing you know we will have no cool team nickname's with bad-ass Indian terms or phrases.....oh wait, we are already there. My mascot friend chief Illiniwek called me, voiced his most honored opinion on this subject and is pissed he is now out of a job, you may blame the economy, I blame the politically correct.

No picks for this weekend. Stay tuned for O'Hoolix NBA Playoff picks.

Quick Hits

Welcome to another entry of quick hits. There are a few topics I wanted to cover, but nothing necessarily big enough for its own post. Feel free to call it mindless ramblings, if you choose.

Howard Kellman

Howard Kellman is the play-by-play announcer for the Indianapolis Indians of the International League (IL), top farm team of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Howard is entering his 34th season with the Indians and continues to call high school football and basketball games for WHMB TV-40. Howard was inducted into the Indiana Sportswriters and Sportscasters Association Hall of Fame on Saturday night. I just wanted to give a shout out to Howard for his work. I have enjoyed listening to Indians broadcasts and hope to be able to enjoy hearing his voice for many more years. Congratulations, Howard!

Let's just hope that we never see Bob Kravitz's name listed here.

Indianapolis Colts' 2009 Schedule

The NFL released the 2009 season schedule last night. The Colts justifiably get five prime-time games next season. What irks me is that for the second year in a row, the fans get hosed on the number of prime-time home games. Of the five games next year, only one is at home, against our arch enemies, the New England Patriots. The Colts will have road prime-time games against the Cardinals, Dolphins, Titans and Jaguars. The Colts only played two of their five prime-time games at home last year (Bears and Patriots). I don't know what jacked up criteria the NFL uses for their scheduling, but we got hosed again, Billy!

St. Louis Cardinals Bullpen

They're still shitty! OMFG!!!! OMFGTAFPMOLYWNFB!!!!!! The Cardinals lead the Majors in '08 with 31 blown saves. In 9 games this year, they've blown 3 so far! The Cardinals parted with Jason Isringhausen and Chris Perez after last season. Ryan Franklin and Kyle McClellan were kept on, but neither one will be the Cards #1 closer. They have added Jason Motte, Josh Kinney and Trevor Miller to their roster this year. The Cards are hoping that Motte and be groomed to be their closer, but he bombed in his first save opportunity. The Cards have the offense to make a run for the playoffs, but their bullpen will be the death of them again this year. Fuck!

St. Louis Blues

Yes, I have a thing for St. Louis teams. Growing up in Indy in the 70's and early 80's, the only professional team we had were the Pacers. So I attached myself to the Cardinals in the early 80's and adopted the football Cardinals (until the third or fourth season of the Colts in Indy) and the Blues as well.

Congratulations to the Blues for making the NHL Playoffs after a three year absence. Last week, the Blues were on the outside looking in. But after winning their final four games of the regular season, they jumped all the way up to the #6 seed. The Blues will face the Vancouver Canucks in the first round. Good luck, guys!

March FotM

Reminder to everyone to get in your votes for March's Fucktard of the Month! Your nominees are Bob Kravitz, Jay Cutler and ESPN.

And finally, in the "it's never too late" category, Slut and I had intended to do some baseball predictions and analysis. We have our division results and playoff predictions, along with O'Hoolix who wanted to get into the mix, and we will present those shortly. It remains to be seen if we can actually find some time to do our division-by-division analysis. At this point it may be the All-Star break before that happens. We'll see what we can do.

As always, thank for reading.

Curses? We Don't Need No Stinking Curses!

Whether or not you believe in curses, I found this story rather amusing.

Dead goat found hanging on Wrigley Harry Caray statue

This is the second time since 2007 that someone has hung a dead goat off of Harry Caray's statue. For those of you who are clueless to the story...

On Oct. 6, 1945, the Billy Goat Curse was cast upon the Cubs when tavern owner Billy Sianis bought a box seat for his goat, Murphy, for Game 4 of the World Series at Wrigley Field to help promote his establishment. When he was ordered to remove the goat, he claimed to place a curse on the team that would prevent it from ever hosting another World Series at Wrigley Field.

The Cubs were up two games to one before losing that day 4-1 and went on to lose the series four games to three. And obviously, they have not been back to the World Series since.

Now whether or not you actually believe in the curse, and personally, I do not, I don't think hanging a dead goat on Harry Caray or on anything else around Wrigley Field would actually end said curse. Although, hanging a holy swiss-cheesed cow on Harry Caray, now that would be funny!

However, I am amazed that the Cubs have not addressed the matter of the goat previously. Even if the Cubs are STILL trying to distance themselves from the whole goat-banning issue, I think it would be a tremendous publicity stunt to bring in a goat and make him a celebrity for the day. Considering all that has happened to them since 1945 (losing in the '84 NLCS to Whale's Vagina when up two games to none, the whole Bartman fiasco, not winning a single fucking game that past two post-seasons, etc.) I don't think it would hurt the Cubs. And considering the number of fans that probably DO believe in the Curse of the Goat, you are only getting the fans behind the team even more. At this point, what have you got to lose!

Or go one step beyond, invite a goat, treat it like a celebrity, then kill it after the game and eat it. I know, Dude...weak!

Yeah...."What I said"

O'Hoolix is still a bit perplexed by his 0-2 finish to the CBB season rounding out at 24-16-1. O'Hoolix's knows that Tom Izzo has forgotten more about basketball than the furry space alien picking point spreads.......BUT Coach Izzo should have read my post before the game.

Sparty had ZERO chance trying to run with Carloina. Didn't State coaches watch the game prior to their game with UCONN???? Anyone could have deducted not to run with Carolina and yet that was the exact tactic State tried in the championship game! I mean, after the first two minutes of the championship game, State should have immediately called one or two timeouts to settle their players. Also, the coaching staff should have told them to work the shot clock on every possession and limit the touches UNC had. Sparty continued to run and got run right off the court. Next time, all coaches should log on to www.lomhenn.com and check advice from O'Hoolix!

O'Hoolix wonders when the Government is going to regulate sports player's salaries and bonuses.......is it around the corner???

Look out Tiger Woods is back, John Daly and Phil Mickelson are still fat and that spells another Green Jacket for Woods.

If O'Hoolix is a seafarer on the high seas near Somalia, he is loading his rig down with: AT-4's, .40mm grenade launchers, .50 cal machine guns, clubs, knives, shotguns, hand-held Death Blossoms and anything else he can get his hands on.

Happy Easter weekend!

Is It Too Soon to Panic? YES!!!!!!!

Wooooohooooooo, it's baseball season! Mrs. Bembledack still wonders why they play 162 games every season, but personally, I love them all. Unlike the NFL where you have a 16 game season, MLB grinds out 162 games in roughly 6 months. Every team is going to have good and bad stretches during a season. The better teams just have more good ones than bad. So why am I getting an AP headline like this one?!?

Panic time for champs? Phillies drop to 0-2

Panic time?!!!!!!!? After two fucking games?!!!!!!!? With 160 games yet to play?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Two games in, these Philadelphia Phillies are playing like last year’s team.

Oh, you mean the team that won the World Series last year? Fuck the heck?

Jair Jurrjens and four relievers combined on a six-hitter, Kelly Johnson and Chipper Jones hit solo homers and the Atlanta Braves beat the defending World Series champions 4-0 on Tuesday night.

The Phillies are off to an 0-2 start for the fourth straight year. They’ll receive their 2008 championship rings Wednesday before trying to avoid a three-game sweep.

Alright, so they are off to an 0-2 start. So are you saying that every team should panic when they have a two-game losing streak? And you are saying this is the fourth straight year they have started 0-2? Well, let's look at how they finished the previous three years, shall we?

2008 - Finished 92-70, 1st place NL East and won the World Series. Bravo, good for you.
2007 - Finished 89-73, 1st place NL East, lost in Divisional Series to Colorado 3 games to none.
2006 - Finished 85-77, 2nd place NL East, 3 games out of the Wild Card spot.

Did those teams panic after starting 0-2 in those three seasons? I'm thinking no.

“You always want to get off to a good start, but you can’t repeat until you play 162 games,” losing pitcher Jamie Moyer said.

At least someone seems to have a brain in this article. The author certainly does not.

Jurrjens (1-0) beat a guy twice his age. The 23-year-old right-hander gave up four hits and walked three in 5 2-3 impressive innings.

Is Moyer's or Jurrjens' age really relevant here? Well, maybe. I know it is early and the season and most games north of the Mason-Dixon line are near or below freezing at this point, but it is only one game. Moyer is 46 and probably not thrilled with the cold temperatures right now (that is another story for later).

Jeff Bennett gave up a single to the only batter he faced before Eric O’Flaherty got the next four outs. Rafael Soriano pitched the eighth and Mike Gonzalez finished.

“We had excellent pitching,” Braves manager Bobby Cox said. “J.J. was really good. When he got in trouble, he pitched out of it.”

Moyer (0-1) allowed four runs and eight hits in five innings. The 46-year-old lefty led the Phillies with 16 wins and had a 3.71 ERA last season, earning a $13 million, two-year contract despite his age.

Any team giving a contract to a 40+ year old player is knowingly taking a risk. You are just as likely to have a 6-18 year with a 5.00+ ERA than a 16-win, 3.71 ERA season. I'm more concerned with the lack of offense than a mediocre night by Moyer.

The rest of story details the game. But here is why I don't care for early baseball.

It was 45 degrees when the game started, so fans were bundled in heavy coats, hats, gloves and scarves. Some didn’t show up, even though the game was sold out.
An 0-2 start is definitely nothing to warrant hitting the panic button. The Phillies lost at least two games in a row 19 times last season, including a six game losing streak in June, and still won their division. If you are 5-17 on May 1st, then you might need to look into researching a new team paradigm. The Phillies were 15-13 at the end of April last year and then took off. Two games does not a season make.

--EDIT--

I was reading the sports section of Tuesday's USA Today and noticed the information they had on last night's game. Jamie Moyer was only 3-8 (now 3-9) against the Braves including going 0-0 in 11 IP with a 6.88 ERA last season. So maybe he mojo just doesn't work well against the Braves. Period.

Also, the Phillies got their offense working and came back from seven runs down to beat the Braves 12-11. So I guess there really is no need to panic.

FotM...Better Late Than Never!

Hey, folks!

I apologize for not getting back to this sooner, but jobs, deadlines and late night parties have kept me away for too long. We never got back to with the February Fucktard of the Month and now it is time for March's!

Along the way this month, we have also welcomed O'Hoolix into the mix and if it wasn't for him, this would have been a shitty month. Thanks, O'Hoolix for keeping us going this month. Not only are his posts funny, you can also take his picks to the bank (most days, sorry about Saturday and last night...).

Now back to the matter at hand.

We'll start with February's Fucktard of the Month Award. Our nominees were Bud Selig - Baseball's Fucktard Extraordinaire, Alex Rodriguez - Baseball's latest steroid poster boy, and ESPN - the world leader in shitty sports programming.

I am proud to say the we had a unanimous winner in our first monthly award. And our winner is...




Bud Selig!



Congratulations, Bud! The man is an infected boil on baseball's ass. This man has almost single-handedly dragged baseball from America's pasttime and the top sport in the USA to number two behind the NFL. Granted, the NFL has worked hard to become what it has and even though it seems to be trying to screw it up, it mostly gets it right. Bud Selig ignored the steroid issue until he no longer couldn't, allowed a tie in an All-Star game, dragged his feet on instant reply, and then tried to say the he had no idea that steroids were being used and it was not his fault. And this is why you have been given the FotM Award. Bud, something tells me I will see you back here again real soon.

And now that we have ushered in the month of April, that means it is time for another FotM Award and another batch of nominees.


1. Bob Kravitz

Bob, along with many other sports columnists, cannot seem to understand the NCAA tournament selection process. OK, so neither can we it seems. (Butler a No. 9 seed?) yet, the tournament selection committee does state that they look at the season as a whole AND only for the current season, i.e. we do not care how you did last year (Davidson) or how many championships you have won in the past (IU). And yet, here is Bob blasting the committee on Purdue's No. 5 seed, even though they won the Big Ten tournament. And here is Bob not saying a thing about Butler's No. 9 seed! Bob also wrote a piece on how the Big Ten deserved seven teams in the tournament because the Big Ten has had five different teams in the Final Four this decade, while the ACC and Big East only have had four "different" teams over that same period. Whahuh? Sadly, no one was not able to get to this piece in a timely manner. None the less, Bob is still a candidate for the FotM.

2. Jay Cutler

Man what a cluster fuck. I'm still having flashbacks of Jeff George and the Colts...must be the tequila (CaboWabo rules!). Every NFL quarterback has a good-sized ego. Jay's is probably three sizes to big. Therefore, Jay's ego was bruised when he heard the Josh McDaniel offered Cutler as part of a multi-team trade for Matt Cassel. So Jay decided to throw a tantrum and the Broncos' were forced to backpedal and try to smooth Jay's ego. Unfortunately, the whole episode blew up with accusations going back and forth, calls not answered, trades demanded and a gullible team to make a trade with. In the end Cutler was traded to the Chicago Bears and the Bears' overpaying in order to get a decent QB. We'll see how it all pans out next season, but Jay's tantrum nets him a FotM nomination.

3. ESPN (again)

Like Bud Selig and Bob Kravitz, ESPN will probably be a mainstay in the FotM nominations. I could probably just cut and paste last month's nomination here as it still mostly applies. Still not showing events in HD, shitty announcers, heavy East Coast biases, Joe Morgan, etc., etc., etc... I understand that they want to broadcast as much sports as they can, but I think they have tried to gobble up to much and they do not have the staff anymore to handle it. Most of the faces we had associated with ESPN, at least the ones I liked, are gone. The replacements do not hold a candle to their former associates and the quality of the programming continues to decline. Plus Joe Morgan is just consistently bad.

So post a comment or send us an email to vote for the March Fucktard of the Month. Remember, vote early and vote often!

1-4 isn't bad if your name is Mendoza

Okay Okay O'Hoolix knows he was 1-4 on Saturday which may be good for a utility baseball player, but for O'Hoolix it is horrrrrriblllleeeee( insert Bill Walton voice here)! I knew I was in for a tough night when after predicting a big fat under in the Sparty/UCONN game, Clark Kellogg said that when he spoke to Coach Tom Izzo before the game he stated the Spartans were going to try and run the Huskies off the floor. Well, you know the rest of the story. UCONN also cost O'Hoolix a cover by getting pummeled in the 2nd half. The better and stronger team won. Villanova was outplayed, but they chucked just enough bricks for O'Hoolix to get an under. Just about the point total he predicted at 150 (actual was 152 total points).

Saturday 1-4
Tournament Record: 24-14-1

Now for O'Hoolix's last CBB picks of the year:

SPARTY +7.5: The public is on Carolina big time tonight and for good reason, they are good. Beware though State will have the home crowd and home calls, which I think benefited them on saturday. They will not be intimidated by NC, Sparty dominated inside against UCONN and the 7'3" center. Sparty was a beast on the boards and I look for more of the same tonight plus I think they have the deeper bench. Maybe Coach Izzo will listen to O'Hoolix and slow it down a bit to keep it close, which brings me to my next selection.

SPARTY/NC under 153.5: State can not play up tempo with Carolina, they will get crushed. Sparty's only chance is to slow it down and make it a half court game. O'Hoolix thinks they will.

Good Luck to all!

Subtraction By Addition

Figuring that they didn't have enough idiocy on Sunday Night Baseball, ESPN decided to add Steve Phillips to the lineup of Jon Miller and the award-winning (!) Joe Morgan. Phillips is a former baseball general manager, and let's just say that having him analyze baseball is like having someone from AIG handle your 401k account.

So, on tonight's opening night broadcast of the Braves/Phillies:

Phillips (commenting on Brian McCann hitting cleanup for the Braves): "The fact that he's hitting 4th tells you something about their lineup. The Braves don't have an aircraft carrier--that big power hitter in the middle of their lineup. They don't have that guy--they will try to beat you with length and breadth of their lineup--no big home run hitter, but a bunch of guys with moderate power."

Literally a second after Phillips finished the sentence, McCann launched an upper-deck home run. Priceless.

I have a feeling this kind of thing will happen a lot this season.

--EDIT--

2nd inning: Phillips describing how excited the Braves' Jeff Francoeur was about the start of the season:

"He was so excited, he almost swallowed his earlobes."

Yep, we've got 6 months of this to look forward to.

Upon further review and Saturday's picks

It's almost as good as finding a $20 bill in the laundry or a bank error in your favor, but those never happen. Alas, there has been an accounting error in our favor and upon further review O'Hoolix is credited with another pick in the win column. O'Hoolix was only credited for 2 wins on day three picks, when the record clearly shows it should have been 3-1 for the day. With last Sunday's picks the furry space alien is now 23-10-1.

Anyway you slice it the Alex Logan of tout's is hot. Sometimes when I am walking down the street all I want to hear is: "there goes the best furry space alien sports gaming tout ever". Anyways, usually people just say I look like a bulked up Alf. Alf?? what an insult, O'Hoolix is much better looking than Alf and my jokes surely are much better.

Okay now for the nitty gritty! You want winners, Alf wants winners, O'Hoolix wants em and so does Nipsey Russell.


UCONN -4: Yes it is a home game for the Spartans, but I think UCONN is as cool as a cucumber and the big man in the middle will make the difference.

UCONN/MICH ST. under 133.5: Sparty does not want UCONN to run and must make it a slow down game.

VILLANOVA +7: Nova is a team of destiny. Carolina is tough, but the Wildcats should keep it close.

NOVA/UNC under 158.5: 158.5 is a ton of points here, and if NOVA plays D, it will go under and should be close, O'Hoolix thinks around 150 total.

BONUS PICK: NOVA M/L +285: Good value here, I think the books are thinking no way for Villanova, but destiny might be on their side!

GOOD LUCK ALL