Friday, April 24, 2009

What Do You Mean There's a Difference?

I don't know about you, but I was shocked to learn that there is a difference between the NCAA Final Four Tournament and the NBA Playoffs. No, really! I had no fucking clue...that is, I had no fucking clue that Mike Lopresti was this moronic.

NBA playoffs are nothing like the NCAA Tournament

So how is your NBA playoffs office pool bracket going so far?

Well, since I am the only person in my office, I am in the lead and the odds on favorite to win.

Now that April-May-June Madness is upon us, we can sit back and wait for the upsets. Who'd the Lakers draw in the first round - East Tennessee State or Siena? And since the Suns didn't get invited, what do you think their chances are in the NIT?

Oh, I get it. You’re trying to be funny comparing the NCAA Final Four Tournament and the NBA Playoffs. Uhh, dude, it’s not working…

Oh, sorry. Forgot to turn the mental switch from college to pro. I was wondering why the Pistons didn't have to win a play-in game.

Hey, honest mistake. Since it seems at least two teams typically from the Eastern Conference have a losing record as of late, you might think that it might make more sense to have one. NOT!

It might still be basketball, but deciding champions for the NCAA and NBA are entirely different processes, and not just because one has Dick Vitale and the other doesn't. To follow both the tournament and the playoffs requires separate rules of etiquette.

Well, considering one is an amateur collegiate association and one is a professional league, I think that is a pretty stark difference right there.

Now that the NBA postseason is fully engaged, here are a few:
In the NCAA, you refer to the best players by their full names. Tyler Hansbrough. Blake Griffin. Just as a professor would, calling attendance in literature class.
In the NBA, you refer to the best players by their first names, as if you have lunch with them twice a week. Kobe. LeBron. Dwight. I don't know why, but all the guys do on television.

Part of that may be due to the fact that most college players only play four years tops and many of the top players are there for only a year or two. The NBA stars referenced above have been in the league for years and that is just the way announcers, writers and society have come to reference them. If you say the name “Michael”, 98% of NBA fans will think of Michael Jordan. A few may think of Michael Olowokandi, and those people will be sent for psyche evaluations.

In the NCAA, an upset victory over a heavy favorite means an interview on ESPN, a celebration on campus, and a new contract for the coach.
In the NBA, an upset victory over a heavy favorite means you won't get swept 4-0.

One of the big draws to the Final Four Tournament is the one-and-done format of the tournament and the upsets that happen in the early rounds…most of the time. The NBA is set up to earn the team owners and networks as much money as possible. That is why every round is a best-of-seven series. Personally, I think that is way too many for the first round and it drags the playoffs until after Father’s Day. I would prefer the best-of-five series in the first round.

I think Mike needs to go check his history records because there have been upsets in the NBA Playoffs. Yes, they do not happen as often, but they do happen. The #8 seed Golden State Warriors upset the #1 seed Dallas Mavericks 4-2 in the first round of the 2007 playoffs. The #8 seed New York Knicks upset the #2 seed Indiana Pacers in the 1999 Eastern Conference Finals 4 games to 2 in addition to defeating the #1 Miami Heat in the first round. The 1995 NBA Finals saw the #6 seed Houston Rockets sweep the #1 seed Orlando Magic. Upsets do happen.

Wait…doesn’t Mike work for Gannett Publishing? The same publisher that publishes the Indianapolis Star, which also employs one our favorite fucktards, Bob Kravitz? Wow, what a coincidence!

In the NCAA, they have trombone players and drummers on the front rows at the end of the court.
In the NBA, they have Oscar winners and platinum recording artists on the front rows at the end of the court.

Only in LA or NY.

In the NCAA, the introduction of the starting lineups reminds you of a pep rally.
In the NBA, the introduction of the starting lineup reminds you of a Las Vegas floor show.

For most NCAA teams, the introductions are vastly similar to the introductions at a high school game. For the NBA, it is a show! The teams now they need to entertain the fans with more than just the basketball on the court. The Bulls and Pacers have had pretty good starting lineup presentations over the past couple of decades. (Don’t get me started on the starting lineups that the old AFL Indiana Firebirds had. That opening sequence just sucked ass.)

In the NCAA, they play in domes and sell cotton candy.
In the NBA, they play in arenas, and sell frozen daiquiris.

NCAA tournament venues are hosting four or eight different teams’ fans and need the 50,000+ capacities of the domes. NBA playoff teams have the majority of the seats filled by the home team’s fans, unless you are in Atlanta.

In the NCAA, they have crazy boosters who show up with painted faces and scream irrationally at the officials.
In the NBA, they have Mark Cuban. Except he hasn't painted his face. Not yet, anyway.

NBA fans are just as crazy as college team fans. Although, that could just be due to the effect of the alcohol.

In the NCAA, the officials wear black and white stripes, and are often accused of being partial to Duke.
In the NBA, the officials wear gray and are often accused of being partial to the Celtics.

Officials are always going to be more partial to certain teams and players. They are human and it is going to happen. I will forever say that back in the 90’s the NBA officials gave more calls to the Knicks and Bulls than to the Pacers. No, it was not some secret NBA directive to have a major city in the Finals, but there were too many calls that went against the Pacers or no calls that leave you scratching your head in wonderment.

In the NCAA, a championship team will journey on the road to the Final Four.
In the NBA, a championship team might journey on the road to Houston, then Portland and then Cleveland.

The NCAA plays the games in predetermined arenas/domes/stadiums. The NBA plays games at each teams home arenas and you don’t know where that will be until a given round is completed.
In the NCAA, they travel and get called for it.
In the NBA, they travel.

Yes, Mike is correct on this one. Since Michael Jordan started taking an extra step and officials decided not to call it back in the 80’s, now everyone gets away with it.

In the NCAA, the teams participate in the Big Dance starting in mid-March.
In the NBA, the Laker girls participate in a big dance at the end of each quarter.

I have nothing…this one short-circuited by brain by it’s sheer stupidity.

In the NCAA, it takes 20 minutes to play the last 90 seconds of the second half.
In the NBA, it takes 20 minutes to play the last 90 seconds of the fourth quarter.

OK, shit-for-brains! Even an amoeba knows that the NCAA plays halves and the NBA plays quarters.

In the NCAA, they would never expect a team from the Ivy League or Mid-American Conference or Ohio Valley to contend for a title.
In the NBA, instead of the Ohio Valley, they have the Clippers.

True, Harvard, Ball State and Murray State are teams you do not expect to win the Final Four and over-achieve if they do make it to the Sweet 16. However, the BCS conferences dominate the tournament and the mid-major and smaller conferences can normally only hope to have an upset or two and wreak havoc on the office brackets.

The last non-BCS team to make the Final Four was George Mason a couple of years ago and the last non-BCS team to make it to the championship game was Larry Bird’s Indiana State team in 1979.

In the NCAA, there are college student-athletes who want to be millionaires.
In the NBA, there are millionaires who never spent a day as a college student-athlete.

Do you think Shaq got rich in Orlando? No, he got rich in college, everybody knows that!

In the NCAA, the coach is the director, the players are the cast.
In the NBA, the marquee players are the stars, then the role players, then the subs. The coaches are the boom operators.

College coaches have the advantage over NBA coaches in that they have near ultimate authority to bench a player at will or expel him off the team for any given reason. NBA players have contracts, salaries and owners that hamstring coaches to a certain degree. NBA players have more weight to throw around than their college counterparts and can push coaches to their limit without much repercussion. Owners do not care to have their star or major players on the bench unless the infraction is pretty grave.

In the NCAA, they play until Easter.
In the NBA, they play until Father's Day.

NCAA teams play roughly 30-32 games prior to the tournament. The NBA plays 82 games. NCAA teams rarely play on back-to-back nights unless it is in a tournament. NBA teams play a dozen or so back-to-back games every season. So it stands to reason that the NBA season is going to run longer, turdbag.

In the NCAA, they throw confetti on the champions.
In the NBA, they pour champagne on the champions.

Yeah, the BATF frowns on those underage college players drinking champagne. So they’re stuck with just confetti and hoping to bag one of the cheerleaders later.

In the NCAA, the championship coach leaves two days later on a recruiting trip.
In the NBA, the championship coach leaves two days later for Tahiti.

Well, NCAA coaches have to RECRUIT players while NBA coaches generally only have some type of input in who their team DRAFTS. As mentioned previously, the NBA season is longer and more grueling and he probably deserves to go on a nice vacation to Tahiti. I know I could definitely use a vacation to Tahiti right now.

In the NCAA, the teams that came close but fell short will hurt all off-season.
In the NBA, the off-season, thus the pain, is only shorter.

Whahuh?!? It is probably more hurtful for the senior players since they will not have another chance to play for a collegiate championship. Yes, the NBA off-season is shorter, but does that mean it hurts less?

So to sum it all up, Mike Lopresti is a moronic, turdbag fucktard who is trying to explain why there is a difference between the NCAA and NBA championships that anyone who has seen, heard of or read about a NCAA game and a NBA game would already know the difference between.

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