Sunday, July 6, 2008

You Have To Stand For Something

Now back to idiotic articles.

Fans are asked to treat Chiefs games like bowling matches

MJD writes for a Yahoo! Sports blog called "Shutdown Corner." In fact, he is the editor of said blog.

The Kansas City Chiefs have a "Fan Code of Conduct," which is essentially a list of rules that fans have to follow when they're attending a game at Arrowhead. In theory, it's not a bad idea, as you'd like your stadium to provide a friendly atmosphere for families and people who aren't drunken hooligans.

To quote one of my favorite movie franchises, "I have a bad feeling about this." I mean, is this guy actually going to say that it's a bad idea to have fans adhere to a code of conduct?

In practice, though, it might not be such a great idea, especially if the person responsible for coming up with the rules is an 85-year-old woman who teaches the 2nd grade and regards standing up as one of the evil things that young whippersnappers often do.

I seriously doubt that's the case. Most 85-year-old women are retired, even if they were teachers in the first place. Or they're dead. In any case, I don't think any of them are coming up with rules for fan conduct.

Seriously, standing erect is the No. 2 item on the list of things that are prohibited:

Standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans
(italics his)

It is? Really? Because if you go here, and look at the second bullet point, it reads "Continual standing and/or obstructing..." (italics mine)

As much as I'd like to jump all over him for inaccuracy, I have to give MJD the benefit of the doubt here. Because of the way he quoted it in his article, I'm pretty sure the Chiefs changed the wording after his article was written.

Awesome. I hear they're even taking the extra step and including bed pans with every seat, so no one has to get up to use the bathroom. They're going to make the beer and peanut vendors crawl through the stadium on all fours. Also, as soon as you get to your seat and sit down, an usher's going to come by and inject you with a temporary paralytic.

That's pretty goddamn funny. I'm laughing my ass off. Oh, wait: LMFAO!

First off, let me go back to the title of his article: "Fans are asked to treat Chiefs games like bowling matches." MJD, have you watched PBA bowling? I know it's not a big sport, and it shouldn't be, but have you watched it? Because if you have, there's a lot of goddamn cheering.

Secondly, even if MJD wrote this article before the Chiefs updated their website, no reasonable person would think that the Chiefs don't want anyone to stand at all at their games. Most teams have something similar in their guidelines for fans. But getting back to the rule as it's now written, it has more to do with trying to get people from standing in places they shouldn't--i.e. aisles--or for no reason at all--i.e. when NO ONE ELSE is standing--than it does for legitmate standing and cheering.

There's an idiotic idea out there that people who sit at games aren't real fans, or are somehow automatically less interested than someone who stands all the time. Although that actually may be true for some people, for most people it's not. If you think the amount you stand at a game automatically makes you more of a fan than someone else, your IQ is less than 60.

Typically, if those in front of you stand up, you're going to stand, too (if you're able). And you have every right to do so. But, if you're one of those mouth-breathers in the middle of the 65th row who stands the entire game for no reason when no one else is standing in front of you (and also flip off the referees whenever any call goes against your team, as if they could see your classy act), then you are a fucktard.

The standard Fucktard attitude can be summed up this way: "I paid for my ticket, so if I want to stand the entire game, I can." Did you ever consider that it's not just about you? Did you ever consider that the 85 year-old guy, or the 10 year-old girl, or the 5 foot 1 woman behind you ALSO paid for his or her ticket (okay, maybe not the kid) and deserves to see the game, too? And no matter how much standing that person does, he or she simply won't be able to see if your fucking carcass is in the way? Even if the person behind you is tall and able-bodied, why should he or she have to stand just because you want to?

Sure, if something exciting happens that's worth standing for and everyone in the first 10,000 rows stands, then it's just bad luck for the short or unable-to-stand people. It happens. But at other times--read, 90% of the game, or more--there's not a reason to stand. So perhaps, for once in your miserable fucking waste of a life, you'll be considerate of someone else.

Doubtful, right MJD? We can't expect people to be considerate at a football game when the same people can't be considerate anywhere else, right? Then perhaps the Chiefs are on to something to include that "standing" clause in their code of conduct, since people really aren't into the idea of looking out for one another.


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Blogger Zinglebert Bembledack said...

Nice article, Lom. Nothing like wanting to take a baseball bat to a Fucktard's knees when he/she tries to standing the ENTIRE game. I have not had the opportunity to review all of the NFL teams' fan rules, but I would imagine most have the something similar in their stadium rules regarding excessive standing.

However, I did not see anything in the Chiefs' rules keeping a fan from yelling, "SEAU!!!!!", for the entire fucking game! I guess we're just stuck with fucktard fans like that.

July 8, 2008 at 4:54 PM  
Blogger Slut Bunwalla said...

As much as it pains me, I have to say that I don't mind yelling as much--even when the person yelling is a drunken mouth-breather who screams the name of the opposing team's middle linebacker and spills his beer on you the entire fucking game while your team looks like the 3rd-grade Blind School team and loses 41-0.

Thanks for bringing that up.

July 8, 2008 at 10:07 PM  
Blogger Zinglebert Bembledack said...

Would like me to give you a paper cut and pour some lemon juice on it while I'm at it?

July 9, 2008 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Slut Bunwalla said...

Yeah, that'd be great.

July 9, 2008 at 11:28 PM  

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